What to read after My Life So Far?

 My Life So Far

(A collection of poetry)

Written by. Moet Williams

Table of contents

2. Introduction

3.Can you believe it?

4.Life and love

5.Knowing the unknown

6. Invisible girl

7. I am

8. Human

9. Dead dreams

10. Blinded by the past 

11. Love is 

12. My first

13. Second chance

14. Harsh reality

15. Nobody knows

16. Loving an old flame 

17. I am me

18. The voices

19. An inner war 

20. Love, scary?

21. Questions 

22. Long distance love story

23. Acknowledgements

Introduction

    Hello there, if you made it this far into this I just want to thank you for wanting to know more about me. So without further adieu this is the poetry of my life. I have been writing since I was around 14 or 15 years of age, but I have been very vocal about what I want to do with my life and that is writing any and everything.  I have had a passion for writing since I was 12 as far as I can remember. Writing will always be my first and last true love in my life. I have seen how much my writing has matured over the years and I am very proud of the pieces you will read throughout this book. I am still writing but the very last poem is my latest piece and I am so grateful for the opportunity to share the world with my talent. Many people will look at this and judge or say these poems are not good and I am okay with that, I know that throughout the obstacles in my life the only thing that kept me sane was my writing and my ability to write and for a while I wasn't writing. I thought I had lost the passion or even worse the gift of being able to write and it took me a minute to know that that wasn't true. I have told my life in more ways than one in my poetry and you will see that as you read them in this book.  It took me a long time to find the strength to create this book. I hope you really take in my work and understand me a little more. Thank you for willing to read and understand me through my poetry, this was a long overdue project for me. 

Can you believe it?

Can you believe it?

that at 13 I was depressed

Can you believe it?

that I'm afraid of my past coming back to haunt me

Can you believe it?

that at 14 I was happy

Can you believe it?

that my happiness didn't last long

Can you believe it?

that I turned to pain as a way out

Can you believe it?

that I turned to music as a way out also

Can you believe it?

that at 15 I fell in love

Can you believe it?

that my first love hurt me deeply

can you believe

that for a brief second I was happy

Can you believe it?

that I was still turning to pain and music as a way out

Can you believe it?

that i'm still 15 and I'm still afraid of my past

Can you believe it?

that I'm now afraid for my future

                     Life and love

I once met a girl 

who at 15 fell in Love 

with a guy who was 19 

they dated for a month 

and it was the worst month of her life 

she realized that she was in love but he wasn't 

when they broke up 

she was heart broken 

she kept it all inside 

she had other boyfriends 

but she didn't want them 

she wanted him 

by the time she was single 

he found someone new and fell in love 

again heartbroken 

she begin to go to pain and music

to deal with the heartbreak

of losing the one she loves

              Knowing the unknown

 What is love?

Love is laughing so hard you can't Breath

Love is smiling till it hurts

Love is crying till you can't cry no More

What is life?

Life is tears

Life is smiles

Life is mistakes and lessons

What is me and you?

I don't know what you and me is

Is it love? is it forever?

Is it never? I don't know

Do you know what me and you are?

Do you know if it is love? if it is Forever?

If it is never? do you know?

In life there is a sense of the Unknowing

You never know what life holds for us

So you chose your path in life

Love is unknowing

You could mistake love for lust

Love won't last forever

In both love and life

There is a sense of the unknowing

Can you figure it out

                Invisible girl

invisible girl

that's me

no one can see me

invisible 

is me

invisible girl

that's me

no one can hear me

invisible

is me

invisible girl

that's me

the ghost of darkness

invisible

is me

invisible girl

that's me

proud of it

invisible

is me

invisible girl

that's me

embracing it

invisible

is me

                         I am

I am

pretty

smart

funny

I am

an actor

a singer

a poet

I am

a writer

a painter

a song writer

I am 

different

human

undefined

                      Human

Human

This one word

has a lot to say

can it be defined

Human

It defines anybody

who can define it

everybody can

Human

can be a person

dead or alive

so can it be defined

Human

it can be defined

it defines me

I am H.U.M.A.N

                  Dead dreams 

I have high hopes in my life 

I want to be an actor some day

I have the skills to do a lot of things

I have low hopes in my life

I do not think I can be a poet or actor some day

I do not think I have the skills for that

I have no hope in my life

I think I am still the indivisible girl

I have no hope in my life 

I have no dreams 

My dreams are dead

           Blinded by the past

Blinded by the fear. 

Blinded by the past 

Chained away from the future 

Blinded by the pain of the past 

Blinded by the hate of the past 

Chained by the fear  

You can see the future

It's in your hands, but the past holds you back 

Why?  Cause you can't let go of the past. 

Let the past go 

Let the love in 

Stop being blind and love him

He's worth it. He's earned the key to your heart. 

                     Love is

Love is 

A 4 letter word 

that has no meaning 

Love is 

A 4 letter word 

nobody knows the true meaning of

Love is

a 4 letter word

that lost meaning in the world

Love is

A 4 letter word 

that people use to destroy hearts

Love is

a 4 letter word

and nothing more but a 4 letter word

                    My first

You are my first friend

you are my first crush

you are my first boyfriend

you are my first love 

you are my first broken heart

you are my first physical scar

you are my first emotional scar

you are my first

you are my last

                 Second chance 

Cutting her wrists

deeper and deeper

she is about ready to leave

leave this earth and never come back

she looks up and she can see god

He says it is not your time

it is not your time to be with me

Her mother beating on her bedroom door

Her mom kicks the door down

she sees her baby passed out on the floor bleeding

she calls 911

She wakes up in a hospital bed

She got a second chance

A second chance at life

                  Harsh reality

Nigga claim he loves me 

Cares for me 

Only want me

Left so many times 

Then came right back 

Talking about he'll never leave again. 

But turns around and threats to leave 

How do I live like this?  

Wanna leave?  But I know I'll be right back 

A vicious cycle I'm stuck in 

How do I get out of it?  

Don't know what to do. 

Tired of this life 

Trying to figure out what to do 

Know I love him 

Know I can't live without 

How do I live? 

I can't believe a word he says 

I can't trust his word 

Tired of the cycle I'm in 

Just wanna scream out 

Just wanna break out of it 

Don't know how?  

Don't know what to do anymore. 

You was the same nigga I stayed up for 

Same nigga I put up with 

All the accusations from you 

All the fights 

All the name calling 

I stayed and you go and break my heart 

Did what you accused me of doing 

And what makes it worse with an ex of yours. 

Got me analyzing my body 

Figuring out the pain I'm feeling 

Hating myself 

Feeling so ugly wishing for the dream to be over 

Sadly it's not a dream, it's a harsh reality.

                   Nobody knows

Nobody knows

the pain I go through to coop

Nobody knows

How much blood I see every time

Nobody knows

why I go through it

Nobody knows 

the pain of my past 

Nobody knows

Why I'm afraid of my past

Nobody knows 

why my future is just as scary as my past

Nobody knows

And i'm not ready to tell why

               Loving an old flame

Loving and old flame all over again....

The irony in that 

My ex bf is my baby...

I'll always love him 

My old love refurbished 

Into a deeper love 

Into a deeper connection. 

Into something stronger and solid 

Loving him all over again 

Loving my best friend all over again....

I fall deeper in love everyday 

All over again 

He does no wrong 

I have not hate for anything he does

I love everything about him 

I'm happy again with him 

Yay 

                      I am me

I am

Not a normal girl

I am an undefined girl

I am 

Not a normal girl

I am an emo girl

I am 

Not a normal girl

I listen to rock music and love it

I am

Not a normal girl

I am just me

                      The voices

Voices in my head screaming 

Voices screaming for help 

As death comes near the voices get louder 

Bright lights shining,  more voices 

But maybe it's all In my head 

No one knows I'm dying 

No one knows I am here in this position 

No one cares enough to see 

Voices in my head screaming out 

Voices screaming for help 

As death grows near 

The voices in my head grow silent. 

Life flashing before my eyes 

Wishing that dying was faster 

Painless, but slow death 

                   An inner war

Everyday there is a war inside me 

My heart and my mind fighting 

My heart screams out louder 

Than my mind, but there's still war

My heart and mind fight everyday 

My mind can say one thing 

My heart another 

Screaming at the top of their lungs at each other 

And then silence is left 

As one battle has ended, but the war hasn't 

It's an everyday battle 

Between my heart and mind 

Everytime the battle ends I'm left to decide who's right?  

My heart or my mind

Who I should listen to? 

My heart or my mind. 

I somehow mistakenly choose my mind 

My mind I always seems to listen to 

My heart always seems to silence or cage it, but never free it. 

I have a heart caged away. 

I have a heart screaming to be listened to 

A heart wanting to be free.  

There's a war inside me everyday 

A war I can only stop by freeing my heart from its cage 

                     Love, scary?

Love,  scary?  

Maybe 

There's always something to be afraid 

Love is one 

Love, hurtful?  

No,  it may seem like it but no 

It's peaceful to love in caged 

It's beautiful. 

Love, scary?  

Yeah, but it's worth it. 

Loving someone unconditional and uncaged  is worth it 

                      Questions

Question after question swirl in my mind everyday

Question after question form in my head that I am and was to scared to ask you and them

Hate fueling up in my body everyday since the day

Hate pouring out of me at people that dont deserve it

For so long I have been afraid of the dark

For so long I have been afraid of you… of myself and how far this razor can go

For so long I have been guilty of it all. 

Question after question make shape in my mind everyday

Question after question runs through my mind like a track star everyday

Depression is getting stronger and stronger as time goes by

Life goes on and time goes on without a care in the world for us humans and our emotions

To afraid to speak to you or anyone about the incident

To afraid everyday to sleep in the dark every night

My fear and hatred and anger and depression takes over and overwhelms me like boulders daily

Question after question pushed deeper and deeper into the back of my mind

Question after question cloud my mind like a thick fog

Long nights and rough mornings get harder and harder to deal with

All the booze and drugs in the world don’t help clear the fog

On a daily basis I look for some type of numbing to just be okay for one night

Just in search of one night of bliss and peace….. Just one night

Long distance love story

I  was hurting when you came along 

I didn't know how it should feel to be loved 

I tried to be perfect, but no one is perfect 

We ain't perfect, but the love we share is perfect 

Our date, I'll never forget 

Even if I do you will be the to help me remember

I get a heart push when your name comes across my phone 

Still got a crush on you even though you are mine

A queen on my throne, next to you my king 

Wishing everyday to touch your face

The distance is killing me 

Our love with each FaceTime call 

Asking the man upstairs for a different type of love 

Took me months to see I had what I was praying for 

Been through hell and back for someone who didn't want me for years 

I know if we go through hell, we will reach heaven

So far away from each other 

I need you here 

I need to know your feelings 

Sucky ass distance, stronger love 

I miss sleeping on the phone with you at night 

Your voice, my Lullaby 

I can't imagine life without you 

All I want is you 

I don't know what I'll do without you my love 

Probably lose my mind 

We a secret nonetheless

Society would judge us 

Society would try to destroy us 

One day we will see each other 

The distance won't be so bad soon enough

Miles apart yet stronger together 

Sucky ass distance, stronger love 

Acknowledgements

     Thank you to everyone that has inspired me throughout my life and was my inspiration behind every piece you just read. I would also like to thank my family and friends who have always supported me and encouraged me to continue my craft, couldn't have done it without you. This book was a dream come true for me and in a million years I never thought I would actually finish it at my age. Thank you to everyone that has read it, hopefully you can understand me and my life a little better. Thank you for taking the time to read this book, I am so grateful and humbled to finally see my dream come to life,  I can't say thank you enough to everyone.